Marriage teaches you a lot about another person. Their hopes. Their dreams. Their little habits. And, if you marry someone from another country, the horrifying discovery that apparently you’ve been making tea, pronouncing words, writing dates and using household appliances incorrectly your entire life.
Chris married a Brit and she has questions. Jay, unfortunately, has answers.
Chris: “Five years of marriage and I’m still discovering things.”
Jay: “Five years and I’m still explaining them.”
Chris: “Nobody asked you.”
Welcome to international marriage.
Here are some of the things Chris once assumed were completely normal — right up until a British man entered her life and started looking confused.
1. Putting Ice in Everything
Chris grew up in the American South. Ice is not an optional extra. Order a drink and the glass arrives approximately 93% ice with just enough beverage squeezed between the cubes to technically qualify as a drink.
This seems perfectly normal to Chris.
Jay has questions.
Jay: “Why do you need that much ice?”
Chris: “Because I don’t want a warm drink.”
Jay: “There’s quite a large area between warm and Antarctic.”
Chris: “You’re the country that drinks hot tea in July.”
2. Writing the Date the Correct Way
We should probably establish immediately that the word correct in that heading was written by Chris.
Americans write September 8th as: 9/8/2026
Brits write it: 8/9/2026
Which means that for twelve days of every month, Chris and Jay can look at exactly the same date and see two completely different days.
Chris: “Month, day, year. Makes perfect sense.”
Jay: “Day, month, year. Smallest to largest. Makes perfect sense.”
Chris: “September 8th.”
Jay: “8th of September.”
Chris: “You’re doing that deliberately.”
Jay: “8/9.”
International diplomacy has broken down.
Please check back later.
3. Calling Football Soccer
There are certain subjects international couples learn not to discuss. Money. Politics. Whose family you’re spending Christmas with. And apparently, what to call a game involving 22 people kicking a ball around a field.
To Chris, it’s soccer.
To Jay, it’s football.
America already has football. Britain believes America has simply given the name to the wrong sport.
Chris: “We have football. That’s why we call yours soccer.”
Jay: “But you barely use your feet.”
Chris: “Do you want dinner tonight?”
Jay: “Soccer it is.”
Marriage is about compromise.
4. Expecting Free Refills
In America, finishing your drink at a restaurant can trigger an almost magical event. Someone brings you another one. Sometimes without you even asking. Chris grew up thinking this was simply how restaurants worked.
Jay came from a country where ordering a second drink traditionally involves the shocking concept of paying for another drink.
Jay: “They’re bringing you another one?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Jay: “For free?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Jay: “Why?”
Chris: “Because America loves me.”
5. Air Conditioning Everything
There are two seasons in much of the American South: Hot and Why Is The Sun Trying To Kill Me?
Consequently, Americans have developed a close personal relationship with air conditioning.
Outside: 95°F. Inside: suitable for storing frozen peas. Chris considers this sensible.
Jay has occasionally wondered why he needs a jacket indoors in August.
Jay: “It’s freezing in here.”
Chris: “It’s comfortable.”
Jay: “I can see my breath.”
Chris: “You’re being dramatic.”
Jay: “I’m British. Being dramatic about the weather is part of the citizenship test.”
6. Saying “Y’all”
Chris is a GRITS. A Girl Raised In The South. So naturally, y’all is not slang. It’s punctuation. One person: you. Several people: y’all. A surprisingly large number of people: all y’all.
Perfectly logical.
Jay: “All y’all?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Jay: “As opposed to some y’all?”
Chris: “Exactly!”
Jay: “I was being sarcastic.”
Chris: “Still counts.”
7. Biscuits and Gravy
Eventually, every British-American relationship reaches this moment. The American says: “Biscuits and gravy.” The British person stops moving. Because to a Brit, a biscuit is something sweet and crunchy that belongs next to a cup of tea. Gravy belongs on roast beef.
Putting the two together sounds less like breakfast and more like a cry for help.
Chris: “You’ve had biscuits and gravy.”
Jay: “Yes.”
Chris: “And?”
Jay: “Those aren’t biscuits.”
Chris: “Here we go.”
Jay: “And that’s not proper gravy.”
Chris: “Bless your heart.”
Argument over.
Southern victory.
8. The Price on the Label Not Being the Price You Pay
Imagine this. You walk into a shop. You see something priced at $9.99. You take it to the register. You hand over $10. And then… They ask for more money. Perfectly normal in America because sales tax is often added at the register.
Slightly bewildering to someone from Britain, where the displayed retail price normally already includes VAT.
Jay: “It says $9.99.”
Chris: “Plus tax.”
Jay: “But the price says $9.99.”
Chris: “Right.”
Jay: “So it isn’t $9.99?”
Chris: “Welcome to America.”
Jay: “I want to go home.”
9. Having a Drive-Thru for Absolutely Everything
Fast food? Obviously. Coffee? Of course. Banking? Sure. Pharmacy? Definitely. America has elevated the drive-thru from a convenience to a philosophy. Chris sees absolutely nothing unusual about this.
Jay arrived from Britain and discovered a country apparently determined to see how much of everyday life could be accomplished without standing up.
Jay: “You can go to the bank without leaving the car?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Jay: “And collect medicine?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Jay: “Wow. Is there anything Americans actually get out of the car for?”
Chris: “Keep criticizing America and you may find out about drive-thru divorce.”
10. Calling Autumn “Fall”
Every year, leaves fall from the trees. Americans looked at this phenomenon and thought: Fall. Simple. Descriptive. Efficient.
Britain went with: Autumn. Elegant. Traditional. Slightly more likely to appear in poetry.
Chris: “The leaves fall. Fall.”
Jay: “Autumn.”
Chris: “Why?”
Jay: “Because that’s what it’s called.”
Chris: “The leaves literally fall.”
Jay: “Yeah, and in winter it gets cold. But we don’t call that season Cold.”
11. Tipping
Few things make visiting Europeans stare at a restaurant receipt quite like American tipping. Chris grew up with it. You eat. You get the check. You calculate the tip. Normal.
Jay discovered that apparently finishing dinner in America can be followed by an unexpected mathematics exam.
Jay: “How much do I leave?”
Chris: “Twenty percent.”
Jay: “And how am I supposed to work that out after three beers?”
Chris: “Move the decimal point and double it.”
Jay: “I came out for dinner, not a math lesson.”
Chris: “Give me the check.”
12. Calling Something “Quite Good” and Meaning It’s Actually Good
This one works in reverse.
Chris hears: “That was quite good.” She thinks: Great! Jay liked it.
But British English can be a dangerous place.
Depending on the person, tone, situation and possibly phase of the moon, quite good can mean anything from:
“That was genuinely pretty good.” to: “I would rather not experience that again.”
Chris: “Did you like it?”
Jay: “It was quite good.”
Chris: “So you liked it?”
Jay: “I said it was quite good.”
Chris: “THAT DOESN’T ANSWER THE QUESTION.”
British communication.
Keeping marriages exciting since 1066.
15. Assuming We Speak the Same Language
This was probably Chris’s biggest mistake. Before marrying Jay, she assumed British people and Americans spoke English.
And technically… we do. Then came: Pants and trousers. Biscuits and cookies. Chips and fries. Boots and trunks. Bonnets and hoods. Taps and faucets. Football and soccer. Dates written backwards. Words containing mysterious extra U’s.
And five years later, they’re still discovering differences.
Chris: “We speak the same language.”
Jay: “Technically.”
Chris: “And y’all call us strange?”
Jay: “Mostly because you say ‘y’all.’”
So, Has Chris Adjusted to Being Married to a Brit?
Of course. Mostly. Marriage is about learning to appreciate another person’s culture. Respecting their traditions. Understanding their point of view. And occasionally staring across the room thinking: “You seriously think THAT’S normal?”
Chris and Jay have spent five years discovering that many of the things they grew up assuming were universal aren’t universal at all They’re just British. Or American. And that’s half the fun. Because the biggest culture shocks aren’t always driving on the other side of the road or moving thousands of miles from home. Sometimes they’re discovering that your husband thinks your biscuits aren’t biscuits. Or that your wife believes a glass containing fewer than seventeen ice cubes constitutes a national emergency.
And somehow, despite all of that, the marriage survives.
So far.
Over to You
If arguing about biscuits, football, spelling, food, language and all the other things Britain and America can’t agree on sounds like your idea of entertainment, you should probably listen to Grits & a Brit.
It’s basically this article.
Except with microphones.
Two Nations. One Language. Endless Confusion.